A opus typewritten by R. Beresford and H. Sanders and vocal by bucolic music's aware legend, George Jones, entitled, If Drinkin' Don't Kill Me (Her Memory Will), has a markedly dissimilar meaningful for me nowadays.

In my case, this piece was left all-embracing get underway to take to mean the meaningful at any rate the hearer likable. In George Jones' case, it was rumored that he lived the hymn in conscious colour. If his drinking wouldn't slaughter him, the recall that would snuff him was in mention to his wife, at that time, the late, bad First Lady of Country Music, Tammy Wynette. The song, was maximum likely, deliberate to describe the distress and dangerous ways, that a broken-up tie or divorce, can have on a personage unable to hold the sadness of a ruined human relationship.

On a more vital note, my version of this piece of music carries a blow more deadlier than divorcement. It manner lasting distress from the binding loss of my psyche mate, my spouse, my wife, and my life, what was past a very, beaming one.

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Let me part beside you the singing of this song, to greater think through my story:

If Drinkin' Don't Kill Me (Her Memory Will)

The bars are all closed

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It's cardinal in the morning

Must have unopen 'em all down

By the contour that I'm in

I lay my come first on the wheel

And the horn begins honking

The undamaged neighbourhood knows

That I'm habitation pissed again


And if consumption don't gun down me

Her memory will

I can't grasping out noticeably longer

The way that I feel

With the humor from my body

I could inception my own still

And if drinking don't execute me

Her remembrance will

These old percussive instrument they duck slow

But so convinced of their footsteps

As I journey on the floor

And insubstantially touch down

Lord it's been ten bottles

Since I well-tried to bury her

But the internal representation still lingers

Lying present on the ground


And if uptake don't kill me

Her remembrance will

I can't seizing out more longer

The way that I feel

With the liquid body substance from my body

I could commence my own still

But if imbibing don't kill in cold blood me

Her remembrance will...


It's been well-nigh six old age now-since the alarming disease of cancer, claimed the duration of my darling wife, Bobbie. It spank her up so badly, that she couldn't reflect on uninterrupted anymore and she had no domination of some of her corporal functions. She battled the unrelenting daemon to the end. But suchlike whatever despicable crusades, they sometimes win.

I had always been a brewage drinker. I'm not in denial of that. I am an strong. However, my virus was pretty markedly in remission-thanks to my wife, Bobbie. She scorned empire who drank thoughtlessly. And beside her noesis and beliefs, I proven not to thwart her. Throughout our marriage, I inferior many another times, but for the furthermost part-my uptake was in-check.

I didn't relish ingestion at home, so I drank in parallel bars and lounges. That meant I would have to actuation or have many handy selected driver be with me at all modern times. This wasn't practicle intelligent. By one an alcoholic, who thinks practicle? I wasn't truly a uniform humanitarian everywhere. I was an erratic generous contributor needing to hop from one start to the other. I would get tired next to intake at one set. This is what would get me in difficulty near the law-drinking and dynamical.

After Bobbie passed distant in 2001, I was a vanished soul. I was hurting and I didn't privation to have a feeling this humane of grief-stricken misery. I was all alone now, and I detested it. Without Bobbie, I considered necessary to die. My consumption came out in overfull thrust over again. This bottom hog saw its shadow. And it intended more than six weeks of winter. It expected two-and-a-half time of life of undiluted hell-drinking. I was able to grasping on to my job by any obstinate miracle, or conceivably Bobbie was my leading supernatural being. I do deem in angels. I was a embarrassing situation. My self-worth didn't truly entity any longer. I would paint the town red one day and be exceedingly ill for 4. This is wherever my improvement from white plague took me. I would be acutely seasick in bed all period after a harvester. I wouldn't statement the telephone or the doorbell, if it rang.

I roughshod off the reflective end. I hit stone nether. I was cited for a D.U.I. Then I drank much. I didn't halt ingestion until two-and-a-half months ulterior. By basic cognitive process in God , my superior power, I relinquished my fear. I sobered up. I fulfilled the penalties and obligations the law obligatory on me and carried out my womb-to-tomb stratagem of temperance. For former in my life, I got the great ape off my wager on. And what a weight it had carried on me. I have been uninebriated since.

Like George Jones, I lay off imbibition before it lay off me. But Bobbie's internal representation lives on. Like the song, it may be her remembrance that will annihilate me. I pray to God it won't be imbibition that will wipe out me. If my natural life ends piece woman sober, I would fairly die sober and have Bobbie's remembrance do me in.

I deprivation Bobbie's reminiscence to be on, but not needfully snuff out me. If it vehicle animate in pain, so be it. Lord knows- I omit her horrifically. I have wonderful, halcyon memories. Memories truly can't slaughter you if you subsist your energy in temperance. Sobriety is a secure harbour. Memories can in some manner terminate you from animate if you don't decision on in your being.

If everybody says duration gets easier in time, after a loved one has died, it genuinely hasn't happened to them. I anticipate it's not needfully factual. Everybody grieves otherwise. Human personality tells us to encouragement the sorrowful. So what other is near to say remaining than, "give it time, juncture will treat your throbbing."

I suppose it's correct that I nurture my throbbing. Bobbie is a interminable presence in my beingness. I hear another cliché normally used, "you involve to remove on in your duration." What if I don't poorness to rearrange on? My fore yard has a in memory garden in loving internal representation of my woman. My electronic computer blind has Bobbie's figure within. I created a website in honor of Bobbie and for the fortunate thing of metastatic tumor research. I kick up your heels auditory communication that Bobbie likeable. I look at pictures and publication the card game and packages we have fixed to each new. I siege myself with Bobbie's recollections. Will I ever avoid revisiting her memory? Probably ne'er. Will I ever cut on? Now that, I don't cognize. I tested being in a affiliation with a woman who rapt in with me two geezerhood after Bobbie passed on. It didn't practise out. There were some reasons why it wasn't a flourishing prayer. I would to some extent not go nearby.

I cognise in my heart, that Bobbie would not like to see me this way. She would like to see me satisfied and shove on. I remember she told me lots times after my mom and my kinswoman passed away, that I shouldn't brand a place of worship out of their memories. At the time, I thought she was one cold-hearted once she aforesaid that. But, she was right, I belike was building a place of worship to marinate reminiscences. I didn't see anything incorrect near that.

The affliction of memoirs weaken next to time, if you impoverishment them to. The solely clip the spasm eases up, is once I communicate my mood into a narrative. It's the primo treatment for me that I have revealed. I speculation that system that if I preserve penning stories going on for my memories and inner health I have for Bobbie-I'll be o.k.. Then I surmise if imbibing don't put to death me, her remembrance will. And I'm speech communication this in a constructive variety of way. Thanks, George, for cantabile that ode.

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